Longe dos olhos/ Far from the eyes. In Portuguese and English (scroll down)

Marco eh um mes de alegria e tristeza. O mes em que meu pai nasceu e comemorou varios aniversarios, mas tambem o mes em que faleceu. E como alguns de voces ja sabem, existe aqui no alimentadomentes uma sessao especial para ele, onde reposto os posts que um dia ele escreveu. Eh assim uma prazerosa forma de relembrarmos um pouquinho dele.

Hoje nao vou postar as historias dele, mas fazer um desabafo.

Lidar com a morte nao eh facil, e nesse exato momento, escrevendo este post, estou em lagrimas.. Ja faz quase 4 anos, um pouco mais do meu tempo aqui na Australia. Cada dia uma emocao diferente. Cada situacao uma reacao diferente. No entanto, quando falo do meu pai, falo com alegria e orgulho, sem chorar. O choro so vem quando estou sozinha.

Olhar fotos eh dificil, reelembrar eh dificil. As vezes eh melhor nao pensar muito. Nao porque eu nao queira lembrar dele, mas simplesmente porque lembrar desperta o fato de que nao poderei te-lo nunca mais vivendo comigo. Estar na Australia ate eh bom, engana a mente e me faz pensar que ele so esta la no Brasil, longe dos olhos. Disfarca a dor, afinal a maioria das pessoas que amo estao longe. Entao, soh parece que ele esta la…

A decisao de vir e nao estar fisicamente perto da minha mae nao foi so minha, foi tambem dela. E do meu pai. Apos o falecimento dele eu queria desistir de vir, mas minha mae insistiu pra que eu vivesse esse sonho de morar fora, afinal era a vontade do meu pai que eu morasse em outro pais que nao o Brasil, onde eu pudesse ter uma vida melhor, mais tranquila, menos violenta e mais justa. Esse era o sonho dele para ele, e para mim. Assim, aqui estou realizando os nossos sonhos, dele, meu e da minha mae.

Ha quem julgue a minha decisao de ter vindo, mas sabe….foda-se. Eu nunca liguei muito pra opiniao dos outros. Eu vim realizar os nossos sonhos, meu, do meu pai e da minha mae. Eu fui forte e corajosa o suficiente pra aceitar esse desafio no momento, talvez , mais dificil de nossas vidas.

Hoje, Mamy and I, somos saudosas porem felizes, longe dos olhos, mas perto de coracao.

Ps: obrigada eternamente ao meu amado marido por estar sempre ao meu lado e ter abracado o meu sonho que hoje se tornou o nosso sonho.

March is a month of joy and sorrow. The month in which my father was born and celebrated several birthdays, yet also the month in which he passed away. As some of you already know, there is a special session here, in memoriam,  for the posts he posted on his blog.

However, today I am not going to post his stories, I’m going to make a disembosom.

Dealing with death is not easy, and right now, writing this post, I’m in tears. It’s been almost 4 years, a little bit longer than the time I’ve been here in Australia, and every day is different feeling. Each situation leads to a different emotion.  When I speak of my father, I speak with joy and pride, without crying. The tears usually come when I’m alone.

To look at photos is difficult, recall is difficult. Sometimes it’s better not to think too much. Not because I don’t want to remember him, but simply because it raises the fact that I will not be able to live with him anymore. Perhaps being in Australia deceives the mind, because it makes me think that he is still in Brazil, just out of sight. Disguise the pain, after all, most people I love are far away.

The decision to come and not be physically close to my mother was not only mine, it was also hers. And my father’s. I wanted to give up moving here, but my mother made me come to live this dream, after all it was my father’s will that I live outside Brazil, in a place where I could have a better, quieter, less violent and fairer life. This was his dream for him, and for me. So, here I am realising our dreams, his and mine.

There are those who judge my decision to come, but you know what?  …. fuck off. I couldn’t care less about people’s opinions anyway. I came to fulfil our dreams, mine, my father’s and my mother’s. I was strong and brave enough to accept this challenge at such a difficult time in our lives. Today, Mamys and I, we are homesick and happy though, far from the eyes, but close to heart.

Ps: forever thanks to my beloved husband for being always by my side and have embraced my dream that today is our dream.

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